Tuesday, 25 October 2011

lessons in love with tarot

So, you've moved beyond the honeymoon period. Butterflies are a distant memory. The two of you have moved on to that all important phase - stability. You may be faced with questions at this time in a relationship. When everything ceases to be new and more mundane concerns are brought into the equation, it can leave you wondering if you're giving the relationship enough time. Maybe, now that you've established a routine and become a bona fide, facebook official couple you feel trapped or worry that your partner does. Perhaps you're wondering what the future holds, what you can do to be the best partner you can or how to move on from a rocky patch. A certain amount of conflict is acceptable and expected in any close connection, but too much can leave you feeling lonely, confused or unsure of how to put things right. In this post we're going to look at how Tarot can help you navigate your relationship when things aren't quite balanced or positive. How do you get passed a difficult time? How do you make your feelings known in a sensitive way, so that you feel listened to but your partner doesn't feel attacked? What's the best way to renew the connection so that it feels exciting again?

- asserting yourself
It's important to feel that the relationship is balanced. Of course there will be times when your partner needs your support and times when the tables are turned and you need help. But overall you both need to feel that when you require support, it's there for you. If you constantly feel as though your partner's issues are more important or that they're always the centre of attention, there's a problem. The Emperor speaks of the importance of establishing your own rules and being your own person. If the rulebook isn't working for you anymore, rip it up and re-write it. Learn from the Justice card when comes to how best to make your feelings known. Storming in and demanding to be heard might not go down well if your partner is the domineering, extroverted type. Diplomacy is called for. Explain to your partner that you understand their position and appreciate why they may sometimes take more than they give, but that ultimately you reserve the right to expect more. When you're asking for fairness and balance, you need to ask in a fair and balanced way, so keep conflict to a minimum. If your partner tends to scream and shout when they feel judged or attacked, doing the same in return will only enable their aggressive attitude. Keeping calm will give them the chance to check their behaviour and put it right before they end up unable to solve anything.

- dealing with insecurity
If you're worried that you're not enough for your partner or that you can't fulfil their needs, you need to look into the possible reasons for that. Open up to the idea that the problem could be in your own mind. The Devil reminds you to let go of cycles of thought that are unhelpful. Have you always had a tendency to expect the worst from your connections with others? Do you put yourself down as a defence mechanism? Is this really helping you to grow in any way and how is it affecting the relationship? The Star encourages hope and seeing the best in things. Recognise the qualities that make you a good partner and hold onto those things instead of judging yourself harshly. If there are suspicions about your partner being unfaithful, you can delve into that with the cards, but remember to also look into whether or not you should be in the relationship at all if your paranoia has reached that level.

- feeling trapped
The Two of Cups is a good reminder for lovers to always maintain their own lives and keep balanced when it comes to investment into the relationship. The Lovers has a similar warning and talks about the issues of duality and realism. If you feel chained to your partner and as though the two of you have morphed into one person, you need to start carving a path of your own. Encourage your partner in their endeavours too. There needs to be a general understanding about the need for separate passions and pursuits. If a relationship is strong, independence should strengthen, not weaken, the connection. The Moon tends to speak of delusions. How much of what's good about your relationship is simply fantasy and how much is real? Feeling trapped can sometimes be legitimate and should be taken as a sign that things aren't right. If you believe in your heart that your feelings about being trapped are actually based in deep unhappiness, it's time to decide how much longer you can go on believing that the issue will only be temporary.

- spicing things up
After a while things can seem stale. It's no one's fault, it's just a natural part of growing accustomed to someone. Use the Wheel of Fortune card to remind yourself to show spontaneity. Try new things, have an adventure together, do something out of the ordinary by way of a surprise or a gesture your partner won't be expecting. The Page of Cups reminds you to be positive and optimistic about how far the relationship can go and your ability to be fun-loving and adaptable together, flexing to accommodate new hobbies and passions, learning something together as a couple of visiting new places and people. It's a great time to branch out and decide on a holiday or trip. If there's a way in which you can both discover something new together and advance through it, congratulating each other's successes and discussing the setbacks, it can strengthen the relationship and give you both a tremendous sense of forward movement. Being together doesn't have to mean watching TV on the sofa after work or always going to the same pub or restaurant. You're not barred from taking on new skills and interests just because you're no longer single.

visualisation exercises:
  • Focus on the imagery and meaning of The Lovers card. Think about the ways in which you and your partner compliment each other and also deeply consider the ways in which you differ. Imagine you're having a discussion with your partner on this topic. Do they agree with your observations? What comments do they make regarding your compatibility? Does anything they say surprise you?
  • Use The Hermit to imagine yourself walking up a mountain side to be away from other people and outside distractions. As you ascend, imagine shedding all of the relationship stress and simply focus on breathing and walking. When you reach the summit of the mountain you'll find an empty notebook and a pen. Write down what truly matters about the relationship and what you truly think of your partner.