Thursday, 18 April 2013

are you a people pleaser?

Lately I've noticed an underlying theme in readings for my clients but also throughout life in general.. A lot of messages have been coming together to remind me of the value of seeking your own approval before you seek anyone else's. Receiving the praise and recognition of others feels wonderful, but when you're not getting any joy in that department, are you able to praise yourself? Or do you find yourself frustrated and depressed because there's no one to give you a round of applause? I tend to feel that there are certain aspects of our lives which we're more secure with than others. For example, maybe you'll happily tell yourself you're a great friend without needing your friends to tell you so, but when it comes to the workplace, you'd give your last penny for just one word of appreciation from your boss. Maybe you've never really looked for validation from your parents, but in your relationship you constantly wait for your partner to approve your choices before you follow through with them. Some people are secure in their artistic endeavours whilst others are only happy with what they produce once someone has told them it's impressive.

My personal Facebook profile is a place for me to say what's on my mind. I don't go in for passive aggressive jibes, negativity and personal dramas, but I do post about my plans, my preferences and my politics, so it's pretty open. Tonight I realised that my usual number of friends was down by one so I used Unfriend Alert to find out who'd decided to part ways with me, out of curiosity. The guy who'd clicked 'unfriend' was a guy I had a minor connection with who'd actually requested me a few months ago. My impression of this guy is that he's incredibly smart and very cultured, but potentially harbours a little bit of a superiority complex. I didn't hold this against him. I like people with multifaceted characters and I'm not naturally drawn to people in whom I can see absolutely no visible flaws. I find that suspicious. Anyway, I was instantly a little hurt that he'd unfriended me and I started wondering why. I started scrolling through my recent status updates to try and work out what had caused him to make the break. After doing this for a few minutes I suddenly thought, 'What the hell am I doing?' Is it really so important to get to the bottom of it? It's highly likely that this guy was tuned off by one status update or another, but so what? Am I not prepared to stand by who I am and what I write? So I'm not his cup of tea - it's nothing to lose sleep over!

We can get so absorbed by thoughts of what other people think that we can forget to work out whether or not we really care enough to change ourselves for them. If someone doesn't appreciate what you have to say, what you're doing with your life or what you stand for, is that enough to make you change your ways? If it's not, then don't give away too much personal power through worrying about it. If you're strong in yourself and you believe in your right to be authentic, just bless them on their path and keep walking yours.