Thursday, 17 October 2013

one single moment of truth

'Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply 
because they led you nowhere.'
- Paul Coelho

Shadow work and release work can be relevant and necessary at any time, but for those entering the dark half of the year, they seem to visit effortlessly. Some things just make sense. As leaves cover the land and death shows its true, cold beauty, 'farewell' is the mantra. Even when we've tried to hold it at bay through the summer, the winter lets it slip from between white teeth. Let's really grasp hold of this time. 

A few days ago I closed a door in my life which had been open for almost a decade. I knew that its closure would lead to a release which couldn't be reached in any other way. I needed 'goodbye' like I needed air and, finally, I surrendered. Your 'goodbye' won't always be welcomed with grace and understanding. Sometimes it will be scoffed at, ridiculed or resented bitterly. Sometimes people will tell you that you're mad or that you're just being needlessly destructive. Some people will look at you with some vague trace of fear behind their eyes as you rock the boat and jump for shore. You must stand strong. You must love yourself and know yourself enough to give yourself the gift of release, even against naysaying, even against intense fear of loneliness and even against the trembling of the ego. These moments are the ones which weave the fabric of a life. 

The status quo is something we constantly reassess and readjust to. Sometimes we're going steady and sometimes we're suffocating. It's hard to work out whether you're being brave or foolish when you finally recognise that the status quo is untenable. Maybe it's safe, even if it's hell. Maybe it's warm and familiar. Maybe it's easy. But you know it's not right. That knowing is your wild self gripping onto the bars and shaking them. Its protestations won't stop; not until you listen.

What are your strong foundations? What do you know for sure? Who are you when you're raw, stripped back, passionate, at one with the creative process? Who are you when everything and everyone else fades into the distance and it's just you, the darkness and one single moment of truth? 

You are stronger than you can even envision. 'Farewell' is so often followed by 'welcome'. Through letting go, you finally allow.