I love relationship readings. I suppose one could be forgiven for suspecting that I'd prefer to avoid them or write them off as trite and unhelpful, but they'd be wrong. Among the most nurturing and illuminating kinds of work you could do with a Tarot reader, examining your romantic relationship is right at the top. I encourage and commend those who seek to bring a greater level of consciousness to one of their most central human connections. What better way to do it than with Tarot? It offers a veritable directory of the roles we play in relationships. It holds a mirror up to the expectations, core beliefs and underlying fears we hang on to. It offers effective tools to help us communicate and behave more authentically, strengthening our bonds with the ones we love.
Over the years people have asked me how my relationship readings work. I describe them as 'person-centred' but what does that term really mean? Is it possible to achieve meaningful results with a 'person-centred' approach? This in-depth Q&A lends clarity to my perspective on relationship readings..
What is a 'person-centred' relationship reading?
It's a reading style which lends focus to your role in the relationship. You are at the centre of the reading process and your thoughts, fears, expectations and concerns are paramount. Rather than focusing on the absent third party who has not asked for a reading and is not present, the reading focuses on your options and feelings.
Why do you favour this approach?
There are a few reasons. Firstly, I believe that the only person whose thoughts, feelings and actions you should attempt to gain mastery over are your own. When you invest too much time trying to climb inside your partner's head you ultimately lose sight of what's going on inside your head. Since your words and actions are the only ones you get to control, it makes sense to spend your time getting clear on how you want to go forward.
I also believe that communication, openness and authenticity are the building blocks of a great connection with someone. Therefore it seems counter-intuitive to tell a client how their partner feels rather than help them to approach their partner themselves. As a counsellor I much prefer to offer tools to help people have more open, honest relationships. The most significant breakthroughs in your understanding of your partner should come when you are talking to them, not when a Tarot reader is talking to you about them.
Thirdly, I use Tarot as a counselling tool and adopt a counselling perspective as well as a counsellor's ethics. Speaking in absolutes on behalf of someone who is not present and did not request a reading is therefore questionable. So too is the idea of telling a client what to do or how to think of their partner. No counsellor worth their salt would tell you, 'Kick him to the curb - there's some really funky energy around him!' Instead a counsellor's role is to pose challenging questions to encourage you to dig deeper and find the answer within yourself. Counsellors also provide tools to aid self-knowledge. We are simply not in the business of telling people what to do with their lives.
What if you receive strong messages and signs which suggest that your client's partner is bad news?
It doesn't really work like that because I am not actively looking for those kinds of messages. It's all about the intention I choose to bring to the reading, and my intention is to help the client make up their own mind and choose a course of action which feels right for them.
I want to stress that a person-centred relationship reading can certainly involve speculations about the partner, but only in the interests of looking at different possibilities, potential blind spots and misunderstandings. For example, a counsellor may ask you if your interpretation of your partner's actions could be incorrect based on certain variables which you may not have considered. A counsellor may suggest that you and your partner have distinctly different relationship styles based on information that you offer. But a counsellor is very unlikely to dwell on that side of things. A counselling approach is about what you can do, what you want and how you can make positive changes.
Think about it: when has focusing all your time and energy on what someone else is doing ever really been effective? When you focus on your own shit, things seem to improve, right?
What is the aim of a person-centred relationship reading and what are the potential benefits?
The aim is to help you establish a sense of empowerment and self-awareness within the parameters of the relationship. This occurs in a number of different ways including:
- examining your current relationship style and discovering how it might be
working against you
- getting clear on your boundaries, expectations and desires in the relationship
- finding out what really matters to you and what your priorities are
- troubleshooting trust issues and jealousy
- establishing communication techniques which compliment your personality
- considering ways to ease tension and create honesty and openness
- exploring your options and approaching a decision to break-up/separate
- healing from your past relationships so that you can show up fully in the present one
- examining issues and fears around intimacy
- working out how to nurture and support your partner and yourself
- establishing how to put more fun into the relationship
- shifting conflict from a destructive to a constructive framework
- dismantling long-standing negative relationship habits/mindsets
The potential benefits are kind of obvious when you consider the number of profound avenues for exploration on offer. Working out how to give and receive love and compassion more effectively is always a good thing. But when you marry that intention to a Tarot deck, with all its suggestions and tools and insights and archetypes, you truly increase the potential for growth and healing in your romantic connections to an incalculable extent.
I don't know if I can trust my partner - my intuition feels 'off'. Can a person-centred reading tell me if my partner is being unfaithful?
A person-centred reading will home in on your intuition issues and help you hear your inner voice loud and clear. It will focus on your difficulties with trusting your instincts and offer techniques to smash through your blocks and clear up any doubts. Lastly it is also likely to suggest exercises to help you foster more openness and conversation. Asking a Tarot reader if your partner is being unfaithful is a sure sign that certain key lines of communication are down..
How will I know if a person-centred relationship reading is right for me?
One of the best ways to work it out is to remember that I wouldn't tell you anything that a counsellor wouldn't tell you. Would you ask your counsellor or therapist if your partner was cheating on you? Would you ask your counsellor or therapist to tell you how your partner feels? No - that's not the purpose of the session at all. The purpose of the session is to get clear on how you feel and what the next step is for you. If that seems like the direction you need to go in, you're definitely a good match for a person-centred reading.
Person-centred readings involve a lot of work on the part of the client. They are the beginning of something awesome. They offer so many tools, techniques, exercises and brain training methods to help you have a more fulfilling relationship. They ask you to really examine your relationship style and put any blind spots and confusions into focus. They show you how to zoom in on the habits, tendencies and beliefs which follow you into romantic attachments. They encourage you to be honest about what needs to change. My point is, be prepared to put those tools to use and take action where you can. If you are ready to show up and do the work, a person-centred reading is definitely for you.
I want to finish up by stating that I have no quarrel with readers who offer different kinds of relationship reading. I stand firm in my belief that ethics are personal and must be reached through a process of self-exploration. This is just how things worked out for me; other readers will be different and the spectrum is huge. The most important thing is that a reader approaches their clients with care, compassion and a genuine desire to be helpful.
Would you like a person-centred relationship reading? Let's do this.